Why? Why in the world am I starting to shed tears again for you? What is it about you that I cannot let go? You little immature donkey, you took away heck of a big piece of my life. I went through hell, burned in the flames, and suffered its torture, all because of you. And just when I was moving on, you suddenly show up again. I can’t place my finger on what is it that I can’t forget bout you. Is it your presence? Your immaturity? Your jokes? Or is it that I still have feelings for you? Here I am, in the middle of the night, or should I say morning, writing, again for the second time about you. For some reason, all I actually want to know is why? Why shun me for such a long time? Why?! Why did you do that?! You say it was cause you were immature, but knowing you it’s a lot more than that. I pondered over that thought more than I’ve ever thought bout anything else in the world. Funny thing is, I STILL think bout it, from twilight to morning, form dawn to night. That question is still stuck in my head like a parasite. They say ‘life is what we make of it, always has been, always will be’, well, guess what man, you took more than half of it. You were the first person ever that I’ve told EVERYTHING and anything. From all my secrets to the nots. From my problems to my worries. And when I needed your advice the most, what did I get? Only your insults and your doubts, making my problems nothing but worse, like adding salt to my open wound. All I ever wished was for you to be there for me, like a true friend. To treat me like a friend. I never wished for more, even when my heart fell into your grasp. I’ve cried a sea amount of tears all for you. The scars you left on me is not healing, in fact, it’s eating me up. This can be said the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. There’s so mush even time can’t erase. You! You’re driving out of my mind! You took so much from me, and just left, not even saying goodbye. The last time I’ve actually cried this much this hard was the last time I laid a blade on my arm. Everyday from that day I wish that I would get an explanation from you, but I guess that was just a wish upon a wishing star. I want to know why. The only question in my head is why. Why lie about the youth? Why ask me to talk to him, explain to him when you yourself did not? Why suddenly ignore him? Why pretend? But the ONE question I really want to know, is why avoid me when all I did was ask them to come to my concert, then when you stop avoiding me, you put the blame on me? What is it going through your head? What am I to you? You messenger? Your toy? Your punching bag? You treated me like a toy, when you felt like it, you talked to me, when you didn’t, you avoid me then tell me it’s my fault. Just so you know, I, Lynette Lee Yuen Ching am a human being! I have feelings, I have a heart. I guess what I really was to you was an annoying girl who was nothing in your life. You were the very first person outside school who knew my history. You’re the one person, whose number I STILL remember till now after centuries without talking to you.
Signing off,
Lynette Lee,
3.12a.m.,
24/12/2009
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